28 Miles

I intended on getting up early so I could put another long day in and optimize my time on the snow fields but when my alarm went off I just wasn’t ready to get up.  I hit the snooze button twice and then just shut off the alarm completely.  I heard some movement outside my tent and it motivated me to get moving. I climbed out to see 6 or 7 deer grazing in the meadow about ten feet from my front door. It was a nice surprise to wake up to. I was up and out of the tent by 7am but there was a really heavy dew last night and it looked like it had rained. My stuff was soaked so it took me an extra few minutes to pack up. Once I was hiking I could feel the long day yesterday in my legs. They felt heavier than usual. I made my way up the long valley and across a big boulder field that had intermittent snow. I kept seeing glimpses of another hiker in front of me as I headed up the steep slopes of Pinchot Pass. It was a steep, snowy scramble and I had no idea where the actual trail was but it was a relatively short climb up so it went quickly.  As I followed the footprints in the snow down the other side I ran into the hiker I kept seeing on my way up. Baby Steps (John) had started a few days after Hannah and I and was making really good time. He has done a lot of amazing traveling and talking made the miles fly by. It was really nice to have someone to hike with and having some fresh ideas and experiences brought to the conversation really brightened my day. We lost the trail in the nebulous labyrinth of snowy footprints but there was only one way down the valley so we just kept walking and eventually stumbled back onto the trail. I didn’t eat very well all morning and my energy just crashed as we quickly put miles behind us. I heard a loud roar and two military fighter jets came screaming up the canyon flowing low over my head. It was kind of cool to see but it left me a little irritated. They are a perfect symbol of modernity and society and juxtaposed against this wilderness background their presence seemed almost sacrileges. I met a Park Service ranger on the trail near a creek crossing and he warned me of the river ahead. He said it was pretty tough with deep fast water. We chatted for a bit and he asked about my permits and bear canister but didn’t check for them. When we got the river it was flowing pretty strong and was one of the tougher so far but it was nothing I would have worried about. That seems to be the way it goes out here. There is a lot of hype about the climbs, the snow, the creeks but when I get there they all seem pretty normal and not worth the stress. As we approached Mather Pass it was hard to see a route up in the snow. It looked like a sheer wall. It was a sheer a wall. And there was no route. We just went straight up. For the first time I felt like my ice axe added to the safety of my situation and was worth it’s weight. I got to the top out of breath and exhausted. Once again, we lost the trail on the decent and did some serious bush whacking. Once we got off of the snowfield and the trail wound its way toward Deer Meadow the landscape opened up even more and the views became, almost impossibly, more spectacular. Big peaks shadowed grassy meadows and lush forests. It was perfect. We ate dinner near a bridge crossing the King’s River and continued on in the fading light to get in a few extra miles. We stopped at a nondescript campsite that should leave us with a pretty good shot at Muir Pass tomorrow. Today went pretty well. Aside from being beat tired, having soaking wet feel all day and developing a pretty nasty pain in my ankle I would call today a success. I really enjoyed hiking with John and it added a new perspective to the hike. The things he said about his trip reminded me of myself on the AT. His adventure seemed fresh and new. It made me think about my hike. I don’t feel like that any more. This is becoming a job. We crossed some of the most beautiful country in the world today and, while I really enjoyed it and soaked in the experience, all I could think about was getting in a few more miles and getting closer to Canada. I don’t like that.

Trail miles 25, Total miles 28

I slept better than I thought I would last night. I figured being alone in the tent would make me restless but I just passed out from exhaustion after the long day. I did get a little cold being up so high in elevation and when I climbed out of the tent there was ice everywhere. I thought it would be a lot easier getting up without Hannah here as she is usually the lazy one who just wants to lay in bed. It wasn’t any easier and I just assumed the role of the person pushing the snooze button. I was up and moving by 5:30am andyhe snow was still really hard and frozen. I put on my microspikes and it turned the miles from a slippery snowy mess to a easy and fast walk. I made Forester Pass in no time. I pulled out my ice axe and just cruised right up. It was a lot easier than it looked with wide and gentle switchbacks most of the way. Even the dreaded avalanche shoot wasn’t nearly as scary as it looked; it was only about six steps across and wasn’t as steep as it appeared. When I got to the top I cekebrated for a moment and took a few photos. The view on the other side was a world of white. The snow field was huge and steep. As I made my way across I knew Hannah made the right decision skipping this section. The trail was just a long row of footsteps in the snow across a steep slope. She would have hated it. I lost the trail in the snow and ended up bushwacking down a steep slope toward where my map said the trail should be. I found it no problem but not without getting stuck on a cliffy section for a while. The miles Of hiking once I got below treeline were easy and uneventful. I started to climb back up toward Glenn Pass around 11am. The climb was steep and routefinding was difficult. I had no idea where the trail was but I could see the pass above me so I just kept climbing. It was a long a sketchy scramble over rocks and snow but I made the top without incident. I lost the trail again but just kept following a set footprints in the snow until the descended down a big snow bridge over a rushing creek. The footprints went right passed a few holes in the snow bridge where you could see the whitewater rushing below and splasing up through the hole. It was really dangerous so I found an alternative route. The trail descended to Rae Lakes, a series of amazing alpine lakes. It is by far the prettiest section of trail yet. The huge peaks reflecting on the calm water was breathtaking. You could see tons of trout swimming around and the water was so blue and refreshing looking I wanted to take swim but the ice floating around really deterred me. The next few miles were a long descent down to Woods Creek. I must have crossed two dozen streams and my feet were soaked the whole time. Then, out of nowhere, there was a bridge, but not a bridge over one of the creeks. Just a bridge. Over dry land. It boggled my mind and left my wet feet a little grumpy. As I walked along I saw a pine Martin jump from a tree and dash across a meadow. I eventually got to woods creek, where there is a very big bridge over a very big river, and settled down to cooking dinner. I wasn’t hungry but I had to eat, if only to lighten my pack a bit. I made a small feast and set about eating it. After it was gone and I was so stuffed I could barely move I picked up my pack and started the long climb back up into the high country. I was walking up a deep canyon with huge waterfalls pouring down the sides for thousands of feet. It was really cool to see but I had to keep crossing the streams those waterfalls created and some of them were pretty deep and fast. Around 8pm I found a nice flat spot near two lakes and called it a day. Today was a little easier than yesterday but I still felt pretty lonely all day. Hiking big miles helps a lot because it keeps me busy and gets me closer to Hannah. The high Sierra are amazing. If the next few days go like today I just might make it through.

Trail miles -0, total miles -31

Today was tough. I think I have lost the knack for hiking alone. Hannah woke up at 6am and started organizing her stuff for her part in the adventure that was about to happen. It made me really sad to watch her pack up and knowing we were going in differant directions. By 7:30am we were out of the hotel and we stopped at mcdonalds across the street for a quick breakfast. I walked her over to the bus stop and said a short but tough goodbye. I know she can handle herself just fine but not knowing what she is going to do makes me a little nervous. I walked back across town and stuck my thumb out for another round of hitch hiking out of Lone Pine. It was really hot and sunny and took me a while to get a ride. I was back to the trailhead by 9am and started hiking imediately. I walked hard and focused on what I was doing to avoid thinking about the loneliness that was settling in. I made the four miles to the top of the pass in an hour and just kept rolling. I barely noticed the miles pass as I pushed hard and kept rerunning the math to figure out how many miles and how long it would take until I was back with Hannah. I barely ate or drank anything the entire time I was hiking and only set my pack down twice during the first twenty five miles. I skipped lunch and just kept hiking because I was afraid that if I stopped I would start thinking about the next week by myself. I stopped for dinner at Wright Creek after twenty five miles of nearly continuos walking. I made some mac and cheese but had a hard time finishing it. My appetite has really crashed all of the sudden. After dinner I loAded back up and pressed on. I wanted to make another 5 miles to Tyndall Creek and try to set myself up well to go over Forester Pass tomorrow. When I got there it was still early, 7:30pm, so, after an encouraging chat with a thru hiker named Wounded Knee Walker, I pushed on fir a few more miles. At 8:30pm I realized I was on the side of a steep slope with water gushing down it everywhere. I started searching for a campsite and after ten minutes found what was probably the only flat dry spot for miles. I set up the tent and methodically went through my usual evening routine. The tent seems big and empty with just me and my stuff in it. It was a long day and I made good miles. I know it is silly to get so worked up about being alone for five or six days but it has been a long time since I have done anything without Hannah and it feels very foriegn and empty. Today wasn’t as bad as I expected and I think it will get easier.

Trail miles – 0, Total miles- 13

Today went a little better than the last two. We hiked the ten miles of PCT back to Cottonwood Pass and the four miles down to the road at Horseshoe Meadows. It was like Deja Vu. We had been here less than a week ago. We sat in the same spot waiting for a ride. It all seemed very surreal. I had come to terms with Hannah not crossing the Sierra but my next move seemed uncertain. I didn’t like the idea of her going off alone and I liked the idea of me going off alone even less. But in the back of my head I knew that was what had to happen. We eventually caught a ride down and ate lunch at Carls Jr. We went back to the same hotel and ended up in the same room as before. We set about figuring out logistics for the next few days. We only have one tent and cooking set up so one of us was going out really unprepared. Hannah got elected as that someone because she had to do less hiking. We bought some more food and I loaded all the gear into my pack. It weighed a ton. I have eight days of food so I have to make the 150 miles in at least that. Hannah did my laundry as I lay around the hotel room. I couldn’t help because she was washing all of my clothes and I didn’t want to make a scene. We went to the pool and relaxed a bit in the heat of the day. It was easily 110 and the cool water felt good. We chatted with a middle aged couple from California and met another hiker who was about to leave on the John Muir Trail. We went out to dinner with him and his girlfriend and talked a lot about the trip. It was a nice reminder that what we are doing is kind of big and out of the ordinary. By the time dinner was done it was well past my bedtime so we went back to the room and settled in. It is weird thinking that this will be the last night sleeping next to Hannah for as long as a week. It is going to be pretty tough for me. I am really used to the companionship.

Trail miles- 0, Total miles- 23

Slept in a bit this morning and didn’t get up until 6am. We lay in the tent and discussed our next move. Last night Hannah agreed to give the pass another chance this morning but when the moment arrived she changed her mind. I felt betrayed. It felt like she was putting an end to the trip. She kept saying she just wanted to skip this section and u should do it alone but it felt like the trip was over and it was her fault. I got mad again. We packed up in a huff and I stormed off across the snow field back toward lone pine and in the opposite direction I wanted to go. My mood swing wildly as we hiked. Sometimes I was mad about her unwillingness to give it a second try. Sometimes depressed about the end of the trip. Sometimes empathetic about how bad she must be feeling about letting her fear get in the way of something she really wanted. It was a rollercoaster and I was hating the ride. I had a hard decision to make. Do I skip this section and compromise the integrity of my thru hike? Do I just quit and go home to my dog and a life of comfort? Or do I return to the trail solo and preserve my thru hike but suffer the loneliness? And what would Hannah do? My mind was racing. I couldn’t handle all the options and the conciquences. I knew skipping the section or going home would leave me with deep regrets but hiking alone sounded terrible. Hannah and I have done everything together for the last two years. The umbilical cord is pretty short and I hated the idea of cutting it. I was solo on the appalachian trail when we first started dating and was so tough being alone it nearly ruined the trip. I just hiked along lost in my worries all day. We ran into a lot of other thru hikers and it killed me to explain why we were hiking the wrong direction. By the end of the day I had calmed down some. I was no longer mad at hannah. She made the best descision for her and it was a really tough one. I was still making up my mind about my next move when we started looking for a place to camp. We found a nice flat spot and settled in to the tent. One great thing about hannah’s and my relationship is that these stressful times and arguments tend to bring us closer. We spent a good amount of holding on to each other discussing what to do. Neither of us want to quit and I have come to the realization that skipping this might weigh heavy on me for years and despite hating the idea of it I have to go through alone. It has been a long hard day. One of the worst in recent memory. I am tired from a bunch of miles I barely remember hiking and my immediate future is not looking very good.

13 miles

Today was a disaster. It all started out fine and normal. We got up, ate some poptarts and were on the trail at a reasonable time. We crossed a really cool snow covered meadow that sat right about at tree line so there was a massive view. We forded Tyndall Creek with no real problems. The water was really cold but it wasn’t too deep or strong. The trail climbed up above treeline and turned into a river from the melting snow. We quickly got to the snow field and the trail disappeared completely. We made our way over the two miles of snow just heading toward a giant rock face where Forester Pass was supposed to be located. The snow started to soften and we fell through on every step. Hannah fell in up to her waist a few times and I had to pull out. We walked from granite outcrop to granite outcrop and eventually made it to the base of the climb. We were exhausted from the snow and when we looked up the pass looked terrifying. We could see the 400 foot nearly verticle ascent. Hannah started to freak out due to her fear of heights but bravely began preparing to climb. We started up a steep snow slope that lead a few hundred feet up to a series of switchbacks that were blasted into the shear granite face. Hannah got really nervous on the steep slope but remained calm and with some encouragement kept climbing. We got to a spot where the snow had melted and we had to scramble over some rocks and she lost her composure. She started to cry and sat down unable to move. I tried encouraging her to keep going but she had passed some threshold and there was no budging her. The climb was pretty stressful on me too and adding her stress to mine quickly wore out my patience. Encouragement turned to yelling and the situation quickly deteriorated into a shouting match. I know this was not a good to handle this but at the time it just sort of happened. Eventually she had to decide to either go up or down, as we couldn’t hang out on a steep snow face all day. After some more shouting she chose down. At that moment I felt heart broken. She decided definitively not to go through the pass. It meant we couldn’t hike the whole trail. Which meant the trip was over. I couldn’t seem to think rationally about the situation. I became irrate, then dissapointed, then sad and a whole volley of other negative emotions. By the time we got back to the bottom my head was in a wild tail spin. We continued to argue for what felt like hours. About how the trip was over. About we would always regret this. About how this changed all of out future plans. Neither one of us dealing with the situation rationally and both of us escalating the whole thing. It was by far the worst argument and most trying situation we have been through as a couple. It started to feel like this hike was pulling apart our relationship. And then someone walked up on us. It was the JMT hiker I had met below Mt. Whitney yesterday. This put a stop to our argument and calmed us down a little. We decided to camp at the bottom and see how sleeping on it went. We spent the night talking to Soupy. It was really nice to have a distraction and was one of the best conversations I have had in a long time. We watched a big swirling mass of clouds descend on us and around 8am it started to sprinkle so we retired to our tent. We talked a little more about our situation but it only made me feel worse and resolved nothing. We lay In the tent holding on to each other, uncertain of what the future would bring. This is the worst I have felt in a long time.